Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
