everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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