weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
