I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he shaved USA in his pubs
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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