i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Help. Why am I so naked?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize