dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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