chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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