I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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