You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
