Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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