The maid of honor just puked.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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