Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
