i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
