Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
