you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
