I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
