i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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