so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
