You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
