Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
