I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
