Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
