He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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