And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
