i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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