remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
