i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
