He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
