He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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