using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Ladies don't puke and tell
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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