Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
