I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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