Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
