this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
