I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
