I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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