She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
