I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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