new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
