Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
