evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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