did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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