there's paper in my vomit.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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