Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
