everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
