On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
