I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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