On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
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