My sheets look like a crime scene.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
