you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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