i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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