I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
