ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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