Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
