She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
