so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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