The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
