the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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