He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
