just come out here and I will go home with you...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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