she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
