I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
