or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
