She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
