I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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