I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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