If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
