and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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