What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize