I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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