i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
