i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
