Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
