Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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