I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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