You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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