He had one of those small greek statue penises
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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