shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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